The journey of a mother

I was a size zero before I had my first child. I'm only telling you where I started because it wasn't until my first postpartum experience that I came to realize that number defined me. It WAS me and it made accepting my new body absolutely impossible. I was the small funny girl, what was I now? Omg, who am I?! If I wasn't my appearance, who the fuck was I? I struggled body dysmorphic disorder and experiences with eating disorders, but I realize that before this, I was always small. I never had to ask, I didn't even know that was how I defined myself until that point.But wow, I would stand in front of the mirror and sob, I put myself down, I put myself through hell....for what?

Through parenting, I realized I had many talents, I was strong, smart, creative, so I focused on that but it was still a very long journey. I was pregnant 9 months later. Twenty pounds heavier than the first time (which I realize now was an actual healthy weight for me, if not below....but don't tell my then self that) I made several changes to my life during this period, actually, my whole life changed and this postpartum experience was a lot different. I didn't have time to stare in the mirror, I started saying positive affirmations, even though it was a struggle. Did I believe that I was perfect and beautiful and worthy, not quite, but you say things as you wish they were, not necessarily as they are.

I am three weeks into my third postpartum experience. I feel like a goddess. I grew life, 3 times. I have been on this journey of self love for 5 years, truly starting at the bottom, the utmost self loathing. I have come to know my worth, I have come to not only believe, but know without a doubt that I am worthy, I am beautiful, I am perfect. I am strong. I am defined by so much more than my appearance. I am a soul with a body, a body that I chose during this lifetime and if this is how it needed to look after creating three humans, then, thank you. Thank you body for your perfection, partnership, support and love. This is where I reside for the rest of my life and I could not ask for a better one because it's perfectly me and I am so much more than what you see. And so are you.

How can you ever say anything negative about your body after you have felt the dancing of life from inside your womb?

What a cruel scheme to keep a woman from knowing her power. To keep the focus on what pregnancy did to her body rather than what her perfect body just did. Here we sit, creating and nourishing the future and we are diminished to baby weight. I will not succumb to your demeaning ideals.

The focus of LOOK WHAT PREGNANCY DID TO MY BODY is such a devestating diservice that distracts us from our power as creators. Look what the fuck my body did. Look at what formed inside my womb. I am the portal between realms, I am all powerful. I am not defined by my extra weight or squishy body. I am the definition of God.  Look what I did. Nothing will distract me from how beautiful and immensely powerful I am.

You may share my photos with credit, please respect my journey and art and do not alter <3

Know your power, Dear One.

-Amethyst Joy

also read: This important body positive blog post